I really don't know how many people love me - or if I am loved or just tolerated. (Another thing that will keep me in therapy forever...) That is just fine for now, I think. (I am being honest. Being loved is a responsibility and a lot of work.) I do think this world would be a lot better if we acted as if everyone DID love us. Result (choose one or all):
- We would feel better.
- Trust issues would be a thing of the past because one would not wonder if one was loved - or what people meant when they tell you they love you. (Now, when someone says, "I love you!" they usually want something. Not my body - heaven forbid - but usually a favor or something totally stupid. It is draining.)
- We'd act better because we would want to spread the love. Maybe it would be contagious and everyone would just be nicer.
- People would stop lying.
Last week, I was caught between two sets of lies. One set was the result of people trying to cover their butts, the other is the result of someone who would choose to lie if given a choice - and the truth looked better. I was very aware of the lies and made myself CRAZY wondering why people would bother to take that route? Bigger question: Why did it matter so much, since I knew untruths were being told - and I knew the motivation of the guilty parties - and I knew there was nothing I could do to change them?
So I bought a book on detachment - and promptly misplaced it because I bought a couple of other books. (Books are my addiction.)
OK, so I am working on: owning love, loving, detachment, and the elimination of lies.
Note to self: Address the lies in my life. Eliminate the need to tell white lies. Eliminate the need to live lies. Create a truth (or two!) Whew!
Tall order.
